Getting clean

It wasn’t the expense or the risk. The disease or withdrawals. The pain or fear. It was the lies.

You get used to them. It’s easier to live them than try to remember them. They become automatic. They become you. Mistrusted by all; including yourself. Lies layered on lies like an onion. They have no end. They have to end.

Long after you’re finished you’re still lying. Disbelief makes truth the biggest lie. Junkie. Lunatic. Liar. They keep you simple and easy to deal with. There’s no doorknobs inside.

I never had much truth to speak of. I should stop mourning it.