Skip to content

Waterlogged

11/08/2019

When I was a child a body was retrieved perhaps fifty metres upwind of our family picnic by Patonga Creek. It had been in the water for some time.

When I swim I like to expel most of the air from my lungs and go limp, slowly falling through the water column or lying inert on the bottom.

Sometimes I dream I’m on a sandbar being rolled backwards and forwards by the surf above. Gently stretched, dismembered, dissolved and diffused. It feels good.

Advertisements

From → autobiography

17 Comments
  1. Interesting! I like to curl into a ball and float face down on the surface, to become one with the void so to speak.

    Like

  2. I have morbid fantasies like that also. When I’m in bed and my feet are sticking outside the covers, I imagine I’m dead and there’s a tag on my toe, like in a mogue. I can’t control the thought. It’s not altogether pleasant but it’s not terrible either.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t get wheeled around in a hospital bed without imagining a tag on my toe. It’s the same for everyone, right?

      But lying in bed with your feet sticking out is pathological. You need help with that.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, I’ve always thought I was in a morgue when I was in my bed. Not you? Oh, there’s something wrong with you.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I wouldn’t say I’ve never imagined (or dreamed) I was on a slab when I was snug in bed. Gotta stay in practice. I don’t want to freak out a coroner some day by doing the wrong thing,

          But having your feet sticking out from the sheets when not forced to do so while chained to a bed in a CIA dungeon isn’t normal by any stretch of tolerance for neuro-diversity (or neuro-perversity for that matter).

          Don’t ignore the symptoms. Soon you’ll be starching your underwear and letting your weetbix go soggy before you eat them. Get help.

          Liked by 1 person

        • My feet don’t stick out by choice.

          Liked by 1 person

        • So you are the victim of diabolical torture!

          Surely you’re not incarcerated in one of those British boarding schools still. Are you in a cult or a psychiatric hospital or the Scouting movement or something?

          Liked by 1 person

        • It think it’s more to do with having long legs and a short duvet.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I should have guessed British National Masochism would extend to making duvets too short to cover your toes, but that’s no excuse for lying in bed with your feet sticking out.

          The appropriate response to discovering your feet are protruding from the covers is the same as when you feel a reptilian slithering across them. I’ll detail it for any non-Australians reading.

          You quickly leap to your feet screaming, throwing the bedclothes as far from the bed as possible and turning on all the lights. Only after vigorously shaking each item to dislodge any other existential threats, such as funnel web spiders or muffin crumbs, should you carefully remake the bed, ensuring the top sheet is tucked in tightly at the foot, even if it no longer reaches the head of the bed and you have to sleep scrunched up in a little ball in the bottom half.

          If your partner likes to ‘help’ make the bed and you ever catch him short-sheeting you don’t wait for drawn out divorce proceedings. Kill him immediately. There’s not a court in the world will convict you.

          If your legs are really too long for normal bedclothes and you can’t get custom-made ones you should have them amputated to a more appropriate length. I don’t see a problem with allowing Oscar Pistorius style blades to stick out from the covers and if your husband short-sheets you they may help at the trial.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I’d forgotten how exposed extremties might pose a threat where you live. It sounds like you have woken up screaming quite a few times, Lol. I don’t know how you cope…perhaps by waking up screaming. Even though dangerous insects don’t enjoy cold damp Britain very much, I think it’s time for me to sleep in the foetal position. I didn’t know what the word was for someone hogging the duvet, other than hogging. I do like that word ‘short sheeting’, and I think you may have diagnosed the problem correctly. Now where did I leave that axe?

          Liked by 1 person

        • No! No! No!

          Hogging the duvet is a serious misdemeanor to be sure, but it’s not of the order of short-sheeting. My God! If it was I would have had to have killed almost all my girlfriends (and not just the really annoying ones).

          Short-sheeting is a deliberately premeditated form of torture in which the victims bedsheets are folded and tucked in a way to cause her feet to stick out from under the covers. It’s believed to have been developed in British boarding schools from similar practices used in Royal Navy brigs but has since spread even to civilised parts of the world where it has become a particular hazard for the institutionalised and those with ‘funny’ spouses.
          It’s thought perpetrators are primarily former victims as it’s hard to imagine what other trauma could have made them so twisted and evil.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Well, I’ve learned something today. Thanks Cabrogal. And just when I thought the world couldn’t get more evil. (Weird though, that you seem to know so much about British Boarding Schools, just an observation).

          Like

        • Weird though, that you seem to know so much about British Boarding Schools

          Weird that I know about the foulest pox to have ever been visited upon mankind?

          The suffering of billions of people in Britain, the Commonwealth and beyond can be attributed to British Boarding Schools and the influence they’ve exerted on other depraved, despotic institutions; particularly education systems. It’s not just me and Roger Waters saying this.

          It’s often noted the battles of the Empire were won on the playing fields of Oxford and Eton (those fucking Eton Rifles). So Jallianwala Bagh, Chuka, Hola, Batang Kali, the slaughter of my own people … all of it down to British Boarding Schools.

          The institutionalisation of the School Bully System (as documented in Ripping Yarns) has formed the template for police forces, prison systems, judiciaries, criminal gangs, hospital administrations and parents and teachers groups worldwide while at its peak in the mid 1950s almost 15% of mortality and morbidity in England, Scotland and Wales could be attributed to dishes originally developed in Boarding School kitchens.

          The UN Convention Against Torture calls them ‘acts of cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment’. The CIA calls them ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’. British Boarding Schools call them ‘jolly pranks’.

          Generations of children have been forced to read ‘Lord of the Flies’ – an appalling apologia written in the wake of WWII by a British Boarding School teacher who insisted human savagery could be attributed to the intrinsic nature of children and was only held in check by authoritarian regimes such as those of the British Navy and Boarding Schools. Unlike Miss Jean Brodie, Golding refuses to concede the fall of the Third Reich has left him ‘rather past his prime’ and continues to insist the problem isn’t fascism, it’s insufficiently indoctrinating kids into it. That’s what passes for ‘education’ in British Boarding Schools and their post-imperial ilk.

          I mean it’s not as if you Brits don’t know how to educate children to be happy, fulfilled, self-directed and sane. You invented A.S. Neill after all. Yet you choose to inflict a sick and depraved form of extended torture – designed to produce the sadistic automata needed to enforce Rule Britannia on millions of downtrodden and oppressed people – upon your own children and those of the lands you raped and pillaged. And you continue to perpetuate that system long after your miserable Empire has sunk into its well deserved oblivion. There’s no more Spartan Children’s Academies. No more Hitler Youth. Yet we still have British Boarding Schools.

          Boris Johnson, David Cameron, Oliver Letwin, Douglas Hurd, Jesse Norman … need I go on?
          Margaret Thatcher alone is sufficient reason to bulldoze every British Boarding School to the ground, pound their every brick into dust, excise all mention of them from history books and the public record and vow to Never Speak Of Them Again.

          They’re worse than short sheeting you know.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. But soggy weetabix…now that’s a preference.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. P.S Just looked ‘short sheeting’ up, so it’s a prank? Surely only the most bitter, slyest, snivelling, malevolent, depraved ‘scum of the earth’ could do that kind of thing. No wonder you were so passionate when describing the act. i.e murder is too good for them.

    Like

Over to you

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: