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Twice I was captured by the Indian military.

They questioned me relentlessly until I had disclosed my name, my country, my profession, the number of children I have and every scrap of intelligence I hold about Australian first grade cricketers dating back to Bradman. It was no use trying to lie. They’d been well briefed.

They employ chai-boarding. By the time they’d finished with me I felt I’d swallowed gallons of the stuff.

From → autobiography

  1. For Fox Sake permalink

    Hah! On first glance, I read “the number of chickens I have”.


    • What they really asked is “How many issue do you have?”.

      That stymied me. I’ve got way too many issues to count.

      “Show me an issue I’ll show you a tissue. You can wipe my ass with it.” – Lou Reed


  2. For Fox Sake permalink

    In genealogy, those who pass without having bred are recorded
    as “died without issue”.

    Something to strive for, ya?


    • That one’s in the bag (i.e. scrotum).

      If not the quack who gave me a vasectomy over thirty years ago will hear from my lawyers.


  3. For Fox Sake permalink

    Thou ist a vexacious litigious imp!


  4. For Fox Sake permalink

    I love ritz….don’t forget the cheese to slide off ’em.


    • *gasp*

      A traitor!
      Someone who eats septic bikkies instead of dinkum Aussie ones.
      Even the name is elitist.

      I guess an aficionado of rhyming slang might be excused for not wanting to pop a Jatz cracker into her gob. Especially if there’s cheese on it.


  5. For Fox Sake permalink

    ….says the elitist who scrounges for out-of-date Dick Smith produce at the local

    Nibblest thine Jatz crackers more quietly then varmit, for I am contemplating
    the Sao : the way of the bikkie that shall lead us all to salvation.


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