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I’ll have a chocolate Frankenshake

13/04/2013

I have called this press conference to announce the latest exciting breakthrough in genetic engineering.

We agricultural geneticists have known for some time that cattle and humans are different. It may be only a few million base pairs here and there, but it is enough to cause problems.

One problem is that milk from female cattle is not the same as milk from female humans.

It has cow proteins in it.

And when you feed milk with cow proteins in it to infant humans, some of them get sick.

We all want to help the sick little babies, yes?

So we need more cows milk to feed the babies who get sick when we feed them cows milk.

But special cows milk. With a cow protein taken out.

And the best way to take a cow protein out of cows milk is to take it out of the cow.

Now I’d like you all to meet Daisy.
We cloned her.

Are there any questions?

<…>

This is early days yet. Far too early to start thinking about that sort of thing.

There is still much work to be done before we will be seeing “herds of GM Daisies frolicking in our fields”.

And we are not “contaminating” anything.
We are enhancing the milk supply.
Don’t you care at all about sick little babies?

<…>

Of course we noticed. We are trained scientific observers.

<…>

No I don’t know where it went.

It is probably unimportant.

Look, we are doing cutting edge genetic science here.
Its a bit trickier than baking a cake.
It can take over a hundred tries just to get something that looks like a cow.

***

Elsewhere Science:
Large trial confirms suppressed critical functioning in journalists fed diet of GM tripe.

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From → rant

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